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ROD LIDDLE

No more broken resolutions over immigration, Theresa May — our nation is unrecognisable

Immigration is a crucial issue and we have been promised time and again — by May herself — that it will be drastically reduced

THE Government is split again. Yes, yes, I know. Fifty crabs in a barrel would get on with each other better than this lot can manage.

There is no end to their bickering, self-indulgence and division. It would seem they agree about nothing. As soon as one minister says something another clown will jump up and insist he’s wrong.

 For once, Theresa May is right - the only sensible way to do immigration is having targets
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For once, Theresa May is right - the only sensible way to do immigration is having targetsCredit: Alamy Live News

It’s like being led by a bunch of hyperactive five-year-olds. If it wasn’t for the fact that the leader of the opposition is a cross between Catweazel and Trotsky we’d have got rid of them long ago.

This time the argument is about immigration. The Home Secretary, Sajid Javid, has said there are no targets for reducing immigration. The PM immediately responded: “Oh yes there are, baldie.”

For once, Theresa May is right. Immigration is a crucial issue and we have been promised time and again — by May herself — that it will be drastically reduced. That’s what the vast majority of the country wants. And the only sensible way to do it is by having targets. You know, something to aim at.

 Sajid Javid has said there are no targets for reducing immigration
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Sajid Javid has said there are no targets for reducing immigration

We’ve put up with a lot from this Government, maybe too much. If they start backsliding on immigration, that will be it. Down to tens of thousands of people per year, please, as soon as possible. Uncontrolled immigration has made this country almost unrecognisable.

We still need to import some talent from overseas. People with good skills and high qualifications. What we don’t need are thousands of beggars shoving badly scrawled messages in your face saying “Money Give Now” on the Tube.

Nor do we need the thousand upon thousand of unskilled workers picking fruit and veg. Here’s a tip, farmers — pay a decent wage and maybe a few British people will give those jobs a go, huh?

British businesses have exploited cheap foreign labour for far too long. And the result is an underclass of Eastern Europeans living in desperately squalid conditions, in appalling accommodation.

 Cheap EU labour has undercut the wages of the very poorest Britons
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Cheap EU labour has undercut the wages of the very poorest BritonsCredit: Getty - Contributor

It’s not THEIR fault, by any means. It’s the fault of an immoral system which has seen the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.

Cheap EU labour has meant that the wages of the very poorest Britons get undercut. Why on earth the Labour Party supports this exploitation is a total mystery to me.

But the other real problem we have is immigration from outside the EU. This easily outnumbers those coming from Europe. I don’t just mean those who say they are refugees but are clearly economic migrants. Although Theresa May could do worse than pledge a halt to that influx, which continues.

 Uncontrolled immigration has made this country unrecognisable - we don't need to import any more beggars
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Uncontrolled immigration has made this country unrecognisable - we don't need to import any more beggarsCredit: Alamy

But we still let in thousands of people from all over the world. They come claiming their brother or cousin lives here and that should give them a right to our benefits and jobs.

This has been going on for too long. And it is this immigration which has most changed the face of Britain, in a way many people resent.

Here’s the deal, Theresa. Look at Belgium, where the government has just fallen because it ignored the country’s wishes on immigration. So get tough. Put Mr Javid back in his box and set a few realistic targets. Then get to grips with immigration full stop. And maybe we’ll all like you a bit more for it.

Corrie on against political correctness

SOME lesbians are furious.

On Coronation Street, the lesbian character Kate Connor tried to seduce . . . a bloke.

 Coronation Street's lesbian character Kate Connor tried to seduce a bloke and some shrill idiots are up in arms
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Coronation Street's lesbian character Kate Connor tried to seduce a bloke and some shrill idiots are up in armsCredit: Getty - Contributor

And the scene got a lot of lesbians up and down the country seething with rage. Irresponsible and disgusting! Reinforces stereotypes about lesbians!

Not everything on TV, then, is written to placate these shrill idiots.

Sometimes – just occasionally – the scriptwriters diverge from the politically correct agenda. (But never the BBC).

Well done, then, Corrie. I might just watch the show for the first time in 50 years.

Universal Brexit

HUNDREDS of thousands of Brits face a rotten Christmas because of the failure of Universal Credit.

Broke and unable to buy food, let alone presents.

Like Brexit, Universal Credit is a good idea. Like Brexit, it has been appallingly managed by this Government. Have we ever had a more inept administration?

Save our birds from the bullet

WHEN the red, red robin comes bob, bob bobbin’ along . . . BLAM! Eat leaden death, you chirpy, red-breasted scumbag.

Natural England, the body supposed to protect our wildlife, has been shooting robins.

 Natural England, who are meant to protect our birds, has robins in the cross-hairs
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Natural England, who are meant to protect our birds, has robins in the cross-hairs

Why? Because they may pose a danger to public safety. God alone knows how. Have you ever been mugged by a robin?

It’s not just those cute little fellas, either. Natural England has been issuing licenses for people to shoot a vast list of our native birds.

This includes seriously threatened creatures such as the skylark, the kestrel and the curlew.
Natural England says these licenses are only granted as a last resort. But they shouldn’t be granted at all.

The majority of the birds are accused of annoying farmers. Yet it is farming practices which have seen a massive drop in our best-loved birds.

So here’s my wish for Christmas. No more killing birds simply because they sometimes get in our way.

You Owens it to yourself

HERE’S someone I think you’ll be hearing a lot more about in 2019.

This is the brilliant US political commentator Candace Owens. She’s spent the past couple of years kicking the hell out of liberals, especially the campaigners Black Lives Matter – “race hustlers” she calls them.

 Brilliant US political commentator Candace Owens is kicking the hell out of liberals like Black Lives Matter
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Brilliant US political commentator Candace Owens is kicking the hell out of liberals like Black Lives MatterCredit: Rex Features

I met her recently and was a little starstruck, to tell the truth. She’s very sound on Brexit too. “Just get the hell OUTTA there,” she told me.

Anyway, check her out on YouTube.

Bank deposit

CHAPS, looking for a new hobby? I may have the answer.

I’ve been reading about Californian Kyle Gordy, 27, the world’s most popular sperm donor.

 Californian Kyle Gordy, 27, is the world's most popular sperm donor
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Californian Kyle Gordy, 27, is the world's most popular sperm donorCredit: Kyle Gordy

He does it all in his spare time. Goes around s****ing lots and lots of women, who thank him for it and don’t want to see him again. What’s not to like? He doesn’t even have to give them a hug afterwards, or leave a phone number.

And the women are queuing up for his services. Hundreds contact him each month – and he’s apparently fathered 18 kids who he will never see. I think we need a slice of this action.

Nessie's dark side

THE Loch Ness Monster has been sighted – again.

A bloke called Ricky Phillips reckons he’s seen it.

 The Loch Ness Monster has been sighted - again - and apparently it sounds like Darth Vader
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The Loch Ness Monster has been sighted - again - and apparently it sounds like Darth VaderCredit: AP:Associated Press

It has a 4ft neck, apparently, and a head “like a rugby ball, with a ridge across its eyes”.

It also has flippers, a vast belly and makes a sound like Darth Vader. I hate to disappoint Mr Phillips, but this sounds an awful lot like my cousin Mungo, who comes from Norfolk.

He also enjoys swimming, when he’s let off his chain by the nurse.

I will check to see if Mungo has been on holiday to Scotland, and get back to you.

A ticket to rides

THEY’RE thinking of making it illegal to watch porn on public transport.

Plenty of people do it, apparently.

 Authorities could make it illegal to watch porn on public transport - can they also make it illegal to read The Guardian on public transport?
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Authorities could make it illegal to watch porn on public transport - can they also make it illegal to read The Guardian on public transport?Credit: Getty - Contributor

You can see them, on the 8.32 from Guildford. Glued to their phones, one hand inside their trousers, furtive expression, sweating a little.

I suppose it IS objectionable. Even if you’re stuck for 40 minutes outside Clapham Junction because of a points failure.

But can they also make it illegal to read The Guardian on public transport?

That’s what gets my goat. Hipsters sat with a smug and self-righteous expression while they digest the usual liberal drivel.

Monk sparks outrage after being filmed watching PORN on his smartphone on a bus

I usually “accidentally” kick them on my way off the Tube.

Or swing my elbow around so it messes up their top-knot.

All I want for Christmas

GOT all your prezzies bought?

If not, you’re probably out of luck for home deliveries.

 Still time to buy the mother-in-law a box of Roses chocolates from the all-night garage on Christmas Eve
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Still time to buy the mother-in-law a box of Roses chocolates from the all-night garage on Christmas Eve

But there will still be time to buy the mother-in-law a box of Roses chocolates from the all-night garage on Christmas Eve. And maybe a bunch of dying chrysanthemums.

Or a chocolate chip muffin.

When I was a kid, all I wanted for Christmas was record tokens. Now all I want is alcohol and fags, to save me the trip to the shop on Boxing Day.

Anyway, however you’re spending Christmas, have a great one and don’t stint on the booze, whatever the health monkeys tell you.

We all need a bit of cheer, don’t we? Happy Christmas x.

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